At the FBI, Mulder is showing a slideshow of the FBI agents’ wrecked car and their tractioned bodies in a hospital room. He explains to Scully that the two agents have identical stories, and yet they can’t explain their odd behavior. He does his usual play of throwing out several explanations, and Scully counters with her own theory: the missionaries and the agents, both similar, came into contact with doppelgangers who represent a person’s secret desires and impulses.
Back in Kansas City, Lulu applies for a job at Koko’s Copy Center. The manager notes her varied work history and many residences. Betty’s car pulls up in front of the store and the copy machines go haywire. In a state of panic, the manager hires Lulu. Betty moves on as the manager takes the help wanted sign out of the window. Nearby, at a different branch of Koko’s Copy Center, Betty applies for a job. This manager also notes her wide range of work history and addresses. Betty’s resume parallels Lulu’s. Later that evening, Bert Zupanic loads a briefcase with money at the Porcherie Motel. Mulder and Scully arrive, brandishing a photo of him with Betty Templeton. Scully tells him that Betty abruptly moved, and when he asks if she lived in a pink house on Moreton Bay, Scully responds that she lived in a blue house on Alderwood. Bert denies knowledge of her whereabouts. The agents leave, but Scully insists that he knew Betty. Mulder disagrees, and Scully goes to check out the pink house. Mulder stays back to search Zupanic’s room. Bert takes his briefcase of cash to Froggy’s Bar and sees Betty at the bar. Believing she is Lulu, he orders her favorite drink and inquires about her legal trouble. Betty is amazed that this stranger knows what she drinks, and introduces herself. Bert makes the connection just as Lulu enters the bar. Everything in the bar instantly begins to rattle. The ground shakes, glasses shatter and chairs topple over. Betty and Bert make a dash out the back door.
Scully arrives at Pat Devine’s Kansas City auditorium to find Mulder having a conversation with promoter Argyle Saperstein. Mulder tells Scully that Betty will be at the auditorium in two days to watch Bert in a wrestling match. Scully says that they must also find Lulu. The two women have traveled across seventeen states with one alternately trailing the other, leaving a path of destruction in their wake. After the agents leave, Saperstein calls Bert to demand money for the fight. Bert, in bed with Betty, assures Saperstein that he’ll get his money. Betty, meanwhile, realizes she is late for work and runs into the bathroom. Lulu arrives at the motel and accuses Bert of cheating on her. She finds Betty’s hair clip in the bed and forgives Bert, thinking the clip is a gift for her. She leaves, and Betty comes out of the bathroom. Gunshots fling through the ceiling and the sound of a body thumps down on the floor in the room above.
At the bar, Saperstein is eating lunch when Betty comes in. He tells her that Bert is coming and she goes to the bathroom to freshen up. Bert arrives with the money, followed by Lulu. Saperstein looks puzzled to see her in the front door. Bert realizes both women are in the same building and convinces Lulu to leave. Betty exits the bathroom and sees Lulu. The glass and mirror in the bar shatters and people take cover. Bert is knocked unconscious, and Saperstein grabs the suitcase of money. Later, Mulder and Scully arrive to investigate the scene and wake Bert up. Mulder goes to Koko’s to see Betty. She blames it on Lulu and demands to stay in Kansas City. Mulder calls Scully at the other Koko’s. She gets the exact same story from Lulu. Both agents watch their targets get in their vehicles. Mulder is standing in the middle of the street as Lulu drives by on one side with Betty on the other. All of a sudden, he gets sucked into a manhole. Scully pulls up to where he was but doesn’t see him.
Later that evening, Scully visits the Kansas City Penitentiary to see Bob Damphouse, a very angry inmate who screams back to all of her questions. She informs the man that he is the biological father of Lulu and Betty via a donation to a sperm bank. She requests his genealogical history to prevent further harm. He responds that “a big, ugly dog lifted its leg on my family tree.” Meanwhile, Betty goes to Bert’s room. He admits that he lost his financing for his last chance to fight that evening. She agrees to help him and leaves. Immediately, the door knocks again. It is Lulu, who also consents to aid Bert. Both women break into their respective Koko’s stores to color photocopy money.
Mulder finally crawls out of the manhole and calls Scully at the penitentiary. Scully tells him that she has found Lulu and Betty’s father. Mulder surmises that both women are in love with Bert and won’t leave Kansas City for that same reason. As Scully walks down the cellblock, she is surprised to find an inmate who looks exactly like Bert Zupanik. Back at the auditorium, Saperstein asks for his money and Betty shows up just in time with the counterfeit currency. As Bert begins to wrestle, Mulder approaches Betty. Lulu comes up behind Mulder, who grabs Betty to carry her out of the arena. Everyone in the audience instantaneously starts to fight each other. Upon seeing Scully enter with Bert’s twin, Mulder stops and puts Betty down. The auditorium immediately goes quiet. Scully smiles, proud of herself. Bert is the last one to notice his doppelganger, and when he does, all hell breaks loose again.
Sometime later, back in Mulder’s office, Scully shows slides of bruised and bandaged people: Bert, his twin, Lulu, and Betty. She summarizes their arrests for Saperstein, who asks her what it means. She responds, in Mulder-esque fashion, that when two originals meet the result is unpredictable. Yet if four should meet, she says, “well, these encounters are best avoided at all costs.” She is beaten, bruised and bandaged like the people in the pictures. She turns to Mulder, who is also battered. He mumbles a response, and barely opens his mouth to reveal that his broken jaw is wired shut.
THE X-FILES “FIGHT CLUB”
Original Air Date: 05/07/00
Written by Chris Carter
Directed by Paul Shapiro
DAVID DUCHOVNY as Special Agent Fox Mulder
GILLIAN ANDERSON as Special Agent Dana Scully
Kathy Griffin as Betty/Lulu
Randall “Tex” Cobb as Bert Zupanic
Art Evans as Argyle Saperstein
Jack McGee as Angry Bob
Rob Van Dam as Opponent
Gene LeBell as Bartender
Arlene Pileggi as Woman Who Looks Like Scully
Steve Kiziak as Man Who Looks Like Mulder
Cory Blevins as Missionary #1
John O’Brien as Missionary #2
Christopher Michael as Trusty
Brian Chenoweth as Koko’s Manager #1
Jim Hanna as Koko’s Manager #2
Nicole Bush as Customer #1
Paul Hansen Kim as Customer #2
John Mack as Customer #2